Empty

What barren grave before me lies
What hollow hope within me cries
When faith and dreams and love has died
And broken wings no longer fly

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Final Goodbye

To all those whom I love
Being all those whom I know
Please do not be sad
I'm simply going home
I have no fear of Death
Jesus has broken that chain
And so I've been set free
By God's amazing grace
So waste not one moment
At a cold and barren grave
For nowhere on this earth
Is my final resting place
I've been well loved by many
And enjoyed this happy life
But I can hear St Peter calling
And I see Heaven's Gates open wide
I ask just this one final favor
Please don't cry, don't wail, don't grieve
For my God has called me home
And it's in victory I leave.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Untitled

It's so hard to hide the pain that I feel
Knowing that no one would ever understand
It's hard to feel so alone no matter
Who is standing with me
It's hard to hide the scars I bear
And harder to still to live those days
When those scars feel like a failure
But the hardest thing I think
Is to live in a world where so many
Claim to know and love me
Yet never see the sadness;
Or the pain;
Never see how hard it is
For me to be happy
They simply see what they want,
Smile and pat my hand
As they hurry along
To more important things.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Untitled

I wish that I could say
What's really in my heart
I wish that I could reveal
How I truly feel
But it would gain me nothing
And lose me everything
So I'll simply smile
And pretend
That I really am happy.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Untitled

Why can I not impress you?
I either frighten you by being too good
Or disappoint you by being too bad
I can never just be good enough
You're disappointed when
I don't need your help
You're suffocated when I do
You get bored when I don't change
And irritated when I do
You tell me to just be myself
But criticize me when I do
It's all or nothing with you
There is no happy medium
And it's killing me

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Untitled

I would like to find the man
Who was stupid enough to say
That what does not kill you
Only makes you stronger
And show him a thing or two
About what pain really is

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Locked Away

See that woman over there
The one you think is
So strong
So sure
So brave?
The one you think doesn't need
Anyone
Or anything?
The one you think is trying
To manipulate and control you?
She's not as strong as you think she is.
She's just good at hiding.
Good at hiding her worry;
Good at hiding her pain;
Good at hiding her scars;
Good at hiding herself.
She knows that just because
You claim to love her
Doesn't mean
That she can trust you.
She's never trusted anyone;
And she's never been disappointed.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Untitled

Ah my love, you know so well
The pains that send me straight to hell
And once arrived you sweetly swear
You weren't the one that sent me there
You lie, control, manipulate
As upon your love I sadly wait
You think my love, I'll never leave
No matter how you make me grieve
But there's one thing that you should know
I'd rather leave than die this slow

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Untitled

You tell me that you love me and baby I know that it's true
But somehow there never seems to be enough of me for you
I wish you could be faithful and I wish you could be true
But how can you love me and act the way you do?

You tell me that you're innocent and you haven't done me wrong
But don't you know that I have been watching all along?
You're thinking that you've fooled me and that I could never know
But baby can't you see I just gave you enough rope

So when you're standing lonely and you wonder where I've gone
Maybe you can tell yourself that you did nothing wrong
But when I came to talk to you and ask you for the truth
Baby I already held in my hands all the proof.

Don't you think I see? Don't you think I know?
Baby, no matter how I love you, I can let you go
I'm tired of this fighting when it always ends the same
And I'm tired of trying to play a no-win game


The saddest part is that you don't know the truth could set you free
If only just this once you could put your trust in me
But instead you give me lies that I can see right through
And cry crocodile tears as you try to hide the truth
So baby, if lies are going to be all that I ever get
I have to say it's over; You win; No more, I quit.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

betrayal

if only you knew the pain it causes
to have someone you love
defend another from you
as if you were the evil one
to have them take another's side
as if they didn't trust you
and if only you knew
how many times i've stood there
feeling like a total bitch
even though i know i'm right
trying to defend and protect what i love
only to find the one i love standing against me
even though you should be on my side
and no one else's

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Not really sure why I didn't post this one when I wrote it....December 08

Untitled

what a sad little girl
sitting there in the corner
so frightened and alone
wanting only to be loved
wanting only to be wanted
she doesn't want to control
she wants to be important
she doesn't want to manipulate
she wants to be interesting
if she asks for attention
she's being selfish
if she asks for more time
she's being controlling
and so she sits in the corner alone
trying to hide her tears
wishing she was interesting enough
to talk to for hours
wishing she was enough
to keep your attention on her
wishing she knew what made her
always feel like second best
and wishing with all her heart
that she could be your world
as much as you are hers

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Aurora

oh my precious little angel
if you had any idea
what it did for my heart
to know that you remember me
to know that even once
i crossed your mind
if you had any idea
how many times you've crossed mine
how much love i still have for you
how much i've worried about you
and that you've never left my heart
oh my precious angel
how i've missed you
all these years

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Homesick

I'm so tired of being
A stranger in a strange land
Where everything is so hard
And everything hurts so much
I'm tired of the pain
I'm tired of being sick
I'm tired of being tired
I'm willing to do whatever job
You set before me
But why must I suffer so
To get it done?
I hate so much to complain
But I need some help
Because this night just keeps getting longer
And the dawn seems so far away....

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

untitled

rays of blood fall from the sun
over valleys blackened by fire
as daylight seizes the land
wails and moans waft on breezes rising
from hidden clefts in mountain dark
the pale queen flees her once darkened kingdom
as the fire of truth burns her eyes
and what of her children
the millions
that follow her faithfully from shore to shore
will they share her fate
or will they see that their queen
only reflects the light of the sun

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

And so my dreams just continue to get weirder and weirder...

Untitled

I'm complicated, can you handle that?
The way I talk, the way I act?
Can you handle tears for no good reason?
Blind loyalty and random treason?
Can you take my private kind of crazy?
The times I'm hyper, the times I'm lazy?
The random thoughts that cross my mind
Are often weird and badly timed.
And when in the middle of a crowd
Will it embarrass you when I laugh out loud?
With no excuse and no regret
For something so long ago said?
And when I laugh until I cry
Will you be mad not knowing why?
When you see how strong I am
Will it ruin all your precious plans?
Will you turn and walk away
Because of something I just had to say?
And when I fall so dark and deep
Will you hold me while I weep?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

On Writing...

No updates on my other writings. With all the stress from my crazy life, I've had to turn to writing other things...mainly resumes and application letters. I'll go back to writing soon. Assuming Murphy's Law ever decides to pass me by. :)

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Desperate Prayer

Precious angel hear my plea
Please come near and answer me
Grant me help from up above
I need your help; I need your love
I'm slowly sinking, going under
Losing hope; losing wonder
I try and try, yet nothing works
Do you above, see my hurt?
See my worry, see my pain?
And can you make me whole again?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

stress

stress
coming from every angle
stress
driving me out of my mind
stress
making it impossible to sleep
stress
making it hard to eat
stress
making me the world's biggest bitch
stress
tearing me apart
stress
making me want to run away
stress
making my life seem worthless
stress
is anything really worth this?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Disillusioned

How can so many things
Go so wrong
So quickly?
How can everything
Fall apart
All at once?
How can things be so right
So perfect one day
And all to hell
The next?
And where
Can you find help
When there's no one
To turn to?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Refuge

Hold me, love
And wash away the pain
Wipe away my tears
Hold me close
Don't let me go
Save me from my fears

Hold me, love
And keep me safe
Protect me from the pain
Hold me close
Don't let me go
Or I'll never be the same

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Crap...

So, let me get this straight...
We can put a man on the moon...
We can cure most and even prevent some diseases...
We can take an organ from one person and put it in another...
But we can't make a popcorn that pops completely
so that there are no hard little kernels to bite down on
and break your tooth with?

Bullshit.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

broken angel

i see you there upon the shelf
sweet little golden angel
so beautiful and fragile
how everyone admires you
comments on your beauty
on how you sparkle and shine
on how perfect you are
and most believe it
only the very few
who reach out to touch you
can see how truly broken you are

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Untitled

Like fruit from barren trees now falling
Whispered words within me calling
Though truth and life and hope depart
You remain forever in my heart

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

On Writing...

Well...I see that I missed my weekly writing update...oops.

I could give you an incredible excuse as to why I haven't written anything but poetry lately...but I'm supposed to be truthful with this, right? Okay...I was writing on Legacy, but the character I was working with got a little...darker than I had originally planned. So, I switched over to Survivor and managed to get a working outline for about 2/3 of the story...but as I said before, the content hits a little close to home....

So, now I'm trying to work up a story that I used to tell to amuse my cousins when I was a kid...well, that is until I got in trouble for giving them nightmares. LOL

No name, no word count, it's all still in my head. So, there you go.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

truth

a mysterious truth
that shines in my soul
resisting explanation
it shines on
defying logic
it shines on
unswayed by argument
it shines on
undaunted by darkness
it shines on
doubt cannot touch it
fear cannot shake it
time cannot test it
it is simply there
steady and sure
warm and inviting
perfect and true
untouched by the world
it shines on

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Untitled

Precious love
How sweet the sight
When you walked into the room

Perfect love
How sweet the sound
When you whispered my name

Paling love
How sharp the pain
When you turned away from me

Painful love
How sharp the ache
When I no longer had you

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Confession

here i stand before you

shameful and contrite

no excusing

no justifying

no rationalizing

just me

and my wrong

i lay it

at your feet

and pray that

as ever always

you will show me

more mercy

than i deserve

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Storm

What fire now within me burns
As through darkened glass I view the world
And as I watch with childlike wonder
Lightning flashes rolls of thunder
Shake this world and light the sky
But I can only watch and sigh

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Canticle of the Tax Collector

"Unworthy, Lord," I cry, "Unworthy,
Unworthy of love; unworthy of mercy.
I have been sinful, Lord great is my pride.
I have cheated, mistreated, spouted out lies;
My temper and tongue, both are quite quick.
I haven't cared for the poor, the needy, the sick.
I cared not for the widow or orphaned child
And at times I even held back my tithes.
I only prayed to you Lord, when I had the time.
Oh, great is my sorrow, great is my crime.
So now before my Lord I shamefully come
With sorrow and regret for what I have done.
And though I know Lord, that I am unworthy,
I fall before you now, crying out 'Mercy'
Mercy my Lord, if in Your wise eyes
This Sinner may ever be justified."

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

At A Loss...

I've so much within me that I want to say
But I'm not sure anyone's listening anyway
I got what I wanted, but don't want what I've got
My mind turns against me more often than not
I hate who I am and what I've become
But I see no way out even if I could run
Some days I wish that I'd never been here
That I'd never known pain, that I'd never known fear
Sometimes I rage and sometimes I cry
Do I know the truth or is it all lies?
Are you my enemy or are you my friend?
And will any of it matter when we get to the end?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Oh...and one more thing...why the heck is everything coming out in rhymes lately? I never used to rhyme hardly anything....

murder

rustle of wings
black feathers fly
hunting and stalking
with ghostly cry
chasing tirelessly
through darkened sky
and waiting for
the midnight strike
to steal your soul
and watch you die

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

untitled

what whispered words did i once breathe
to bring attention from you three
i have no need for your dark charms
and i'll not tremble with alarm
so take from me your lowly tricks
and find another to bewitch

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Witness

With whispering rustle of ebony wings
Crow descends from trees now barren
In raveny speech, crying
In eerie silence, staring
No promises offers Crow
No deals that you may later break
Simply watches for it knows
You've nothing left to pray

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Benediction

Lift us up within Your sight
Bless us with Your holy light
Show us Lord, what we should do
That we may better serve for You
Lift us up with loving hearts
And make us each a fruitful part
Of Your Church and of Your Glory
Lift us up Lord, make us worthy

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

love

i love...
i love to love...
i love to love my love...

come to me
and you will see
how very much i love

walk with me
and you will see
how deeply can i love

stand with me
and you will see
how fiercely can i love

lie with me
and you will see
how sweetly can i love

trust in me
and you will see
how only you i love

i love...
i love to love...
i love to love my love...

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Untitled

You shower me with love unearned
light fire that within me burns
and judge this soul, so very stained
worth more gold than man can weigh
You wrap me in Your warmth and love
and accept me in Your world above
and though i fall and cry unworthy
You shake your head and whisper worthy
"You were created in My name
and all within you I may claim
although I leave the choice to you
(for love freely given is always true)
I never left your side my child
through valleys dark or jungles wild"
and when i awoke, i knew the truth
that love alone shall be the proof

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

winds of love

angel wings beat against the trees
releasing golden snow of autumn leaves
a rushing wind like banshee's scream
as winter falls upon the dream
the snow that falls is pure and white
and bathes us in the holy light
those who seek shall truly find
One most loving, just and kind
the One who is and always was
the One who loves you just because...

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

haunted

the house was dark and deep
and i should have known better
then to let my curiosity
get the better of me
but off i went alone
to seek the secrets that i sensed
but when i found them
i turned away
only to find
the greater evil
waited behind me

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Victory

What vanity this be
And not at all like me
To laugh and sing in such delight
But it has been quite a fight
To get to where I am today
And nice to see rewards are paid
So vain, you think and it may be
To find my joy in such a thing
But to think such thoughts can only mean
You've never fought the skinny jeans

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

sweet spirit

what entrancing music you make
your voice is that of angels singing
it wafts among the trees
and settles in my soul
hypnotizing
harmonizing
tantalizing

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Nosy neighbors

Nosy neighbors at the door
What do you think you're looking for?
Why must you always sneak and peek?
Can I not have but a moment's peace?
Stop this now or one thing's for sure
You'll see much more that you bargained for.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Hurt

Sometimes, you just can't say it any better than someone else already has...



I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep mysel
fI would find a way...

Es mi vida...

I have what I have and I've got what I've got;
It is what it is and it's not what it's not.
I followed your rules and I followed your law
And I've nothing to show for it, nothing at all.
So here is my new rule, new law, and new creed:
I am who I am - you can like it or leave!

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

On Writing...

Here's my weekly update on what I've got:

1. Wilderness - Well the rough draft is finally finished and came in right around 75k words. The good news is that the first 2/3 of the draft, I was editing pretty heavily as I went, so it's more like a 2nd or 3rd draft. The bad news is I didn't edit the last 1/3 at all...I just wrote. So I'm sure there'll be alot of cleaning up to do on that part.
   
   75,000 words - Rough draft completed
   
   
2. Legacy - I have taken Arendiwanen, Nightmare and PKJ and combined them, since they were essentially the same story told from three different viewpoints. I'm having to do alot of whittling on the writing I already have to make them fit together, so the word count probably won't rise much at first...I'll have to rewrite alot of it. For now, I'm just going to go with the combined word count for the three.
   
   14,000+ words
   
   
3. Flashback - I still like the premise of this one. But I can't seem to figure where it should go from where I'm at. It looks like this one might be shelved for a time...
   
   2,000+ words - no change
   
   
4. Surviving - I know I said that I shelved this one. The content is a little hard for me to deal with, but I'm thinking if I don't deal with it now, I never will. So, to hell with it, I'm pulling it off the shelf.
   
   just under 3,000 words

So, I guess that's where I'm at. I have a feeling that I'll be working on Legacy mostly and jumping to Surviving if I need a break.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Snow

I have felt the cold wind;
I have seen the snows flying.
Winter is coming far sooner
Than you could ever imagine.
And you have done nothing to prepare.
Do you expect to find shelter
Simply because you are lost and pathetic?
Do you expect to ignore the love that is offered to you
Until the last moment,
And then run to it as a last resort?
The winter will be cold and deep;
The snow will pile high upon this earth;
And the only place you will find refuge
Is with the one you have turned your back on.
And oh, how you will cry
If he turns his back on you.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Unworthy

With all the darkness that courses through my veins,
With all the misery I have caused and known,
How can they look to me for guidance?
With all the sins I have committed,
And the thousand more that I have considered,
How can they ask me to teach them?
If they could see the dark secrets
That hide in my heart,
Perhaps they would understand.
Though I may see
I am blind.
Though I may hear
I am deaf.
And I am far too lost
To show them the way.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Midnight

Twilight caresses our shadows
The moon gives silent witness
The stars glow with anticipation
A memory surrounds the darkness
And love's power rules

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

My Pack

How it warms my heart and fills my day with happiness
When I awake and you hear the first sounds of my stirring
And come running to the bed, like a little herd of elephants
To kiss my eyes and lick my face and nose,
To bat my cheek and shake the bed with your wagging tail
With meows to show how pitifully you need my immediate attention
And whines to show how hard you're trying not to bark for joy
As if you'd been alone for years, instead of a mere few hours
As if nothing in the world has ever made you happier
Than to know that I'm still here
And though it warms my heart, it also makes me sad
That no one else has ever made me feel so loved

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Devotion

Yes, I love him
I don't care how foolish or witless
They may think it is
I have always loved him
From the first
Moment,
Look,
Word,
Touch.
He is now and has always been
My life
And the truest happiness is in being
His wife.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

On Writing...

Woo-hoooooo!!!!!!! It's DONE! DONE! DONE!!!!

*runs around the room screaming and holding up the finished manuscript*

DONE!!! DONE!!! DONE!!!! I FINISHED IT!!!!! WILDERNESS IS DONE!!!!

*runs around in circles*

*collapses from too much coffee and too little sleep*

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

untitled

If I could tell you what I see
Without fearing reprecussions,
I would tell you that
The one you pine for, the one you believe
Doesn't see you that way,
He doesn't just want to be friends.
He's only waiting until he finishes
What he's started,
Before he begins something else.
He'll tell you how he feels soon enough,
And you will have the children you long for...
In a little town in Illinois
You'll find the happiness you desire.
And the end you resist so strongly
Is not coming nearly as quickly as you fear
Nor half so painfully as you dread.
But I don't suppose you'd believe me
Even if I dared to speak.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

For The Record...

There are many different
Correct answers
To that question.
But laughter
Is never one of them.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Cravings

Why is it
You're never hungry
Till that damn
Pizza commercial
Comes on?
And even though
You know
The pizza place
Is closed,
Nothing else
In the house
Looks good
At all.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

I hate the Pizza Hut commercials. I think they put them on after the restaurants close on purpose...just to screw with us...

My Only One

Call my name and I will be there
No matter what stormy raging sea I must cross
No matter what steep and rugged mountain I must climb
No matter what dark and deadly valley I must brave
Call my name and I will be there
Whisper my name and I will come
For you are now and forever
My only one.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

OMG...did I actually just write something...that isn't depressing...and yet still doesn't suck completely...wow...lol

Glory Road

As I walk through this world of sorrow
I have no friends, nowhere to turn
The road leads on and so I follow
Hoping to find what I cannot earn

Oh, lead me on, oh, glory road
Help me to find my way back home
Walk by my side and hold me close
And lead me on Your glory road

I know the road is straight and narrow,
Though many try, so many stray,
Oh, Lord I'd leave this world tomorrow
If I could only see Your face.

Oh, lead me on, oh, glory road
Help me to find my way back home
Walk by my side and hold me close
And lead me on Your glory road

When morning light seems too long coming
And the night is dark and deep
I trust in You to keep me going
For You never leave Your sheep

Oh, lead me on, oh, glory road
Help me to find my way back home
Walk by my side and hold me close
And lead me on Your glory road
.
You hold me close and walk by my side
You still my fears and calm my mind
You washed me clean, as white as snow
And set me on this glory road

Oh, lead me on, oh, glory road
Help me to find my way back home
Walk by my side and hold me close
And lead me on Your glory road

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Written in the spring of 08. Another one that I'm not able to write the music to, which sucks because I know exactly how it should sound.

I'm Going Home

I walked into the old man's room
It was gloomy and dark
He lay on an old beat up bed
Victim of an old heart
I sat on the bed beside him
He put his hand in mine
The old eyes looked up at me
He said listen well my child

Someday you will see
And someday you will know
Why I no longer have any fears
Because I'm going home
There's kingdom in the clouds
Where the streets are paved with gold
And there's a crystal sea a-shinin'
Or so I have been told

He said, "I'm going home
There's a band of angels comin' to take me away"
He said, "I'm going home
And hopefully I'll see you, join me there someday"

Then the old man began to shiver
And his eyes seemed to fill with age
But even with his final breath
There was a smile on his face

And now I'm going home
There's a band of angels comin' to take me away
Yes, I'm going home
And you know, I'm gonna see him; I'll join him there today

Because I'm going home....

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

I lost the original writing of this one, so I'm not sure of the date, other than that it was somewhere around 93. It was inspired by the death of my step-grandfather, but it really encompasses the attitude of so many that I've known who have passed on. I wish that I could write the music that I hear in my head for it, but I'm just not that good. LOL

plagiarism

i write you poems to show my love
but then i hide them from you
and i know it may not make sense to others
i don't do it because i fear your reaction
i'm sure you would at least
pretend to like them
i don't do it because i fear
you'll misunderstand my words
i could always explain myself
and make you see what i meant
i hide my poems from you
because no matter how much i trust you
i can never forget
hearing my hard found words of love
falling from your lips
to her ears

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Well, hell...I was in a good mood. I really thought I was over that one...*sigh*

Our Song

You said you knew you didn't tell me
You loved me nearly enough.
And you knew that you couldn't write me
Sweet and lovely poems.
And you knew you didn't always show me
How important I was to you.
But...
What you didn't always say,
You thought every day.
What you couldn't ever write
You felt in your heart.
And though you didn't always show it,
You knew that it was true.
And I thought of the day,
You admitted
With a trace of embarrassment
That you made fun of those
Sappy love songs
Because they never made sense to you
Until I came along
And Fate skipped a beat
And scared you to death.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Upward Exit

He doesn't answer when I call;
And I worry.
He doesn't reply to my emails;
And I worry.
He may only be ignoring me
For some imagined slight.
But I worry somehow
That something isn't right.
For years ago, they told me
Something I'd rather not know.
I may not know the day;
But I do know the road...
I may not know the hour;
But I do know the result...
And though I tried to tell him
He simply won't believe;
And so I simply wait and worry
And wish I hadn't seen.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Lifted Up

I remembered you in my prayers.
I don't know you well,
Not really at all.
But I cried when I thought
Of how you hurt.
I didn't cause your pain,
But I have caused the same pain
For others.
And so,
I prayed for you.
I prayed for
Comfort,
Strength,
And healing.
I prayed that someday soon,
When you're ready,
That true love will find you.
That you will find the happiness
That I know you deserve.
I prayed that you will be patient
And wait -
That the pain you feel now,
Is only
Preparing you
For better things.
I remembered you in my prayers
Because
I've caused the pain you feel;
I've felt the pain you feel.
But also because
I know that sometimes
It just isn't meant to be
No matter how badly
You wanted it.
I know that sometimes
Destiny
Denies you what you want
To give you what you need.
And it's far better.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Run Away...

Let's run away together.
Just pack our bags and leave;
We'll drive south,
Following summer's dwindling trail.
We'll find a sandy beach
Where the sun shines warm
All year long.
And a cozy little cottage
Where the whispering roar of the waves
Can rock us to sleep.
We'll leave our cares and worries
To freeze in winter's grip.
We'll live for ourselves
And no one else.
And when they come looking for us,
We'll run away and hide;
Laugh at their confusion.
Because they don't understand
How little we need them
And how much we need
Each other.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

On Writing...

Well, it's been a week now. So, here's my working list:

1. Wilderness
   9/16 - 63,000+ words
   9/23 - 69,000+ words
   6,ooo words
   
2. Nightmare
   9/16 - 2,000+ words
   9/23 - 3,700 words
   1,700 words

I haven’t worked on the other stories at all this week…although I have read over them and contemplated some plot stuff.

I do know that this was not a lot of writing…but to be fair, I was sick a few days. I also had to do some rewriting, well, actually I backed up in Wilderness and started writing in a new direction…so, if I removed 5,000 words that were in the original count…that means I actually wrote about 12,000 words. Still not impressive (considering that I have little else to do with my life at the moment), but considering the time I wasted on plot problems in Wilderness…I guess it’ll do. Besides, even at this rate, I would think that I could still finish the rough draft of Wilderness in a month at most. Two weeks if I’d get off my ass and quit playing video games. LOL

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Love

I love you, you know.
You're an ass sometimes.
You ignore me for hours on end,
You tease me unmercifully,
You blame me for things
Beyond my control.
But other times,
You're the sweetest guy
I've ever known;
Thoughtful,
Kind,
Adoring.
And I know
You love me
In your own way.
But do you know
How much I love you?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

in the shadows

i looked into the darkness
and i saw
the eagle
one head looked to the sun
one head looked to the moon
it held a scimitar
it fed on others
smaller than itself
and then
it saw the star
and rage filled its heart
it rained down fire on the land
and judgment began

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Heart of Hearts

You are the greatest temptation
I have ever known,
And even when my mind says
I should turn away from you
I cannot.
A look,
A smile,
A touch,
And I am yours again.
What chains you've
Wrapped around me.
What a wicked spell you weave.
You've made me such a
Lovesick fool.
My mind is not my own.
I only think straight when
You're not around.
But when you're near
And I can feel your touch,
I am no more than
Your slave.
If loving you were
A sin,
I still couldn't help myself.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

the only one

sometimes i wonder
if i'm the only one
who feels like
they're going crazy
if i'm the only one
who feels like
life's too hard
if i'm the only one
who feels like
they're worthless
if i'm the only one
who feels like
time's not on my side
if i'm the only one
who feels like
they're lost

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

apology

oh my love
i'm sorry

i know it's not

your fault
i don't know
why i say such things
too late now
to take it back
too late to say
i'm sorry
but i'll say it
anyway

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

the tall men

why do you come to me
only in the silence?
why do you never
show your faces?
i have tried to look
upon your face.
but my eyes slide away.
i have tried to understand
your words
but my mind cannot hear
the words you say.
those words that i knew
in another life.
did you really think
I would believe you angels?
and not know you
for what you
really are?
did you really think
i never studied
the old ways?
and never heard your name?
did you think
i would trust you
just because
you showed me the truth?
even the morning star
knew the truth.
even evil knows the truth.
what can you show me
that I do not already know?
what can you give me
that another cannot?
i know what you really are.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

untitled

it's no wonder that the shadow dwellers have been stalking
and that the tall men have been walking
with all that's unfolding
its frankly amazing
that i've slept at all
no, i haven't lost my faith
i just set it aside
(as i have often done)
until i can unravel in my mind what i heard
and decide if i can live with it
or if he finally pushed the line
too far
give me a few days
and i'll pick it back up again
but for now
the thoughts running through my mind
make it hard to be a christian
and the tall men
say it's not over
who am i to argue
with them?
so i listen
when they say to wait
when they say
he will show
his true colors soon
explore and learn, he says
but he is not facing them
talk to them, she says
but she is not facing
these things that whisper truth
yet hide from sight

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Another one that I'm not sure why I didn't publish...September 08

How many times can
A person be hurt
Before they turn back
To the old ways
They once knew?
Before they once again
Become
Unfeeling,
Uncaring.
And whisper the words
They long ago denied?
Before they become
What they so long ignored?
Didn't I ever tell you
What happens
To those
Who hurt me?
You should have listened to me.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Vision

I saw the truth...
I saw beyond the stars...
I saw what others
Could not,
Would not,
See.
I saw what was beyond...
And somehow,
It made sense
That it was
Nothing.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

From A Distance

I guess my writing makes it
Easy to see
From the outside.
And so removed...
I wonder
Which is sadder?
The fact that I'm so desperate?
Or
The fact that you don't see it?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

No More...

I just wonder
What you'd think,
If you knew,
How many times
I regretted
Making that promise.
I really do love you...
But I really don't want
To be here anymore...
It just
Hurts too much.
I'm sorry.
But you shouldn't
Worry too much.
I was never
That brave
Anyway.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Lust...

Okay, you know I love you,
Right?
And that I'd never leave you,
Right?
I'd never cheat on you.
Honestly.
But seriously,
Between you and me,
If I heard that car outside
And he walked through the door,
What could I say
But
Paul who?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Okay, private joke, a free pass kind of thing. If you don't get it, don't ask. LOL But if you're a visitor and you're curious...http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q130/jMi_Jaded/Jensen%20Ackles/DeanImpalaSmirk-1.jpg *drools on page* Sorry....LOL

Shadows

lock your doors
and stay inside tonight
for the night is dark and deep
and you have no idea
what lurks in the shadows
what peers in
through your windows
what watches you
as you walk
through your
brightly lit house
you have no idea what waits
with endless hunger
for you to step outside
lock your doors
and stay inside
the shadows have come alive
and they want
your heart

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Broken

Damnit.
Everything keeps coming out
Wrong today.
I hate to feel
So out of sorts.
So off balance.
I hate these days.
They're so hard to
Fight through.
And it's almost not worth
Getting out of bed,
Or even breathing.
And all I want is
To cry until
It doesn't hurt anymore.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Time

Eleven years is a long time
To know someone,
To love someone,
And still not trust them;
Still not know the little things,
Like my favorite song,
My favorite book;
To still not understand
That sometimes I will be sad
No matter what you do;
And sometimes I will laugh
No matter how mad it makes you.

It's a long time to know me
And yet still not understand,
That no matter what you say or do,
There will always be times
That I must be alone.
There will always be places
Where you cannot follow.

Eleven years is a long time
Much too long
For me to ever expect
For you to change.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

An Old Friend...

That song came on the radio;
The one that always make me
Remember you.
And I wonder again,
If I'd been in the car...
If I'd gone that day...
Would you still have
Been playing around?
Would you still have
Been going so fast?
Or would you
Have slowed down?
Not wanting to scare me?
Would you have been
Watching the road
Because you cared more about your friends
Than you ever did yourself?
Everyone else says
It's just lucky I wasn't with you.
But I know better...

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Breakdown

it hurts so much to remember
and it's all in a fog anyway...
yes, i know that i knew her,
and that i should remember him...
but it's all so fuzzy
in my mind...
i know everyone thinks
i'm getting old
before my time...
they make jokes and
laugh about it...
i can't put the names
to faces anymore...
i can't recall if
we were friends
or enemies
anymore...
i've forgotten
so much more
than i realized...
and i wonder if they
would still laugh about it
if they knew why...
it's so hard to
think straight
after
you've been broken...

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Reconsidered

I looked in the mirror
This morning
Really looked
And for the first time
In a long time,
I liked what I saw.

I looked in your
Eyes today
I looked into your soul
And for the first time
In a long time,
There were no suspicions.

I thought about my life
About what I wanted
And what I had
And for the first time
In a long time,
I was happy with it.

I looked in the mirror
This morning
Really looked
And for the first time
In a long time,
I liked what I saw.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

True Friends

you make me admit things
i'd rather pretend weren't
you make me look at things
i'd rather ignore
you make me keep my word
when i'd rather be lazy
you make me feel guilty
for not writing enough
knowing you're reading
makes me think about
what i'm writing
there's no coasting
with you around
you remind me of the truth
when lying would be much easier
you make me wonder
what i could do
you make me remember
who i really am
so, in case i forgot
thank you

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

This was originally two poems for two different people. But it sounds better melded together. Et, voila.

My Enemy

i know it shouldn't amuse me
to hear of your difficulties
but you destroyed my life once
and so
i can't help the sadistic streak
that rears its head
the little voice in my mind
that laughs
when i hear
about your car wreck
when i find out
you have lupus
when they talk about
your strokes
how your husband left you
and your children hate you
and that bus that hit you?
that one was priceless
i know it's cruel and petty
but did you really think
that you could hurt me
like you did
and not pay for it?
ah, but i guess
people like you
never learn

© 1991-2008 Samantha Greene

Mon Pere

I just wondered if you
Had forgotten me.
You haven't called in
Quite a while.
Is your new family
That much better?
Doesn't it count
That I'm the only blood you have?
Doesn't it count
That I love you?
You don't reply to
My letters.
You don't answer
My phone calls.
Are you forgetting me?
Or ignoring me?
I don't guess it matters.
I'm used to being forgotten.
I just wish
You'd give me the courtesy
Of an excuse.
I guess you're too busy.
I wish I didn't care so much.
But I do love you.
And I miss you.
I wish you'd call.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Credo Novus

I believe in the Father
In the Son
And in the Holy Ghost.

I believe all things come from above
But are often distorted here below.

I believe all things are good
Until humans pervert them.

I believe we all are meant for greatness
Though few of us achieve it.

I believe love heals all wounds
Even though it's often the cause.

I believe some things are never meant to be said
And some things were never meant to be hidden.

I believe we are unworthy for all we receive
But should be grateful beyond measure for what we have.

I believe tomorrow
Can be better than today.

I believe none of us are perfect
But we are all worth saving.

I believe my life was written
Long before I was born.

I believe a time will come when we all
Will be held accountable.

And I believe that on that day,
I will have someone to speak for me.

I believe in The Word
Both written and living.

And I believe He will always love me
No matter how little I deserve it.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Waxing Philisophical

A friend asked
"If you could be
Anyone at all
Who would you be?"

I thought a moment,
About power,
About wealth,
Fame and fortune,
And all the possibilities.

But in the end,
I finally answered,
"Myself."

My life may not be perfect.
But it is mine.
And I say,
Better the devil you do know.

I'm not sure he believed me...

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Arendiwanen

The Tall Men are walking again.
The Shadow Dwellers are becoming braver.
They feed on fear and uncertainty,
but I fear them not.
The fearsome faces they show
are only masks
to hide their weaknesses.
Begone False Face;
Begone Shadow Dweller.
I walk with the Tall Men.
And you have no power here.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Made Me Think

No, this isn't poetry. And no, you don't have to get it. It's enough that it speaks to me.

"You see, everyone thinks it sounds like fun – a game you can play at parties, a way of entertaining other people and maybe even yourself. But they’re forgetting one important thing about it. This is not a crystal ball; you have no control over it. You can’t choose what you see, you can’t choose how you see it, you can’t even choose when you see it. The dreaming may come at night…or it may come in the middle of the day when you’re talking to your boss or driving your car. The point is that you don’t know and fighting it is almost impossible. You can try, but in the end, the dreaming will own you. It will eat your heart and soul for breakfast and still want more..."

-Morgan, "Legacy"

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Steven

I was looking through some old things.
Pictures,
Letters,
Cards.
And I saw your letter.
You said I was the most
Profound and truthful
Person you had ever met.
I wish I could remember
What I ever did
To impress you.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Steven, you were one of the most...interesting friends I've ever had. I wish I could find you again.

My love...

Sometimes, you have me so pissed off
So angry at you that
I could kill you.
Then you do something
So unexpectedly sweet,
That all I can do is
Smile and forgive you.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

On Writing...

Aahh... I saw where a friend of mine had started a blog to create some accountability for his writing. Good idea, mind if I borrow it? (Don't bother answering, I'm going to anyway. LOL)

It's been so long since I've written any poetry, and now that I've started, I can't seem to stop. But, I haven't done much with any other writing in a couple of weeks. So, let's see what I have and what I can accomplish in....say a week.

1. Wilderness - This was supposed to be a short story, but it's grown to over 60,000 words so far and I think I'm about 2/3 done. Problem is, I'm stuck for what to do next. My main character is in jail, charged with murder. The real murderer is still running around free. But the question is, how the hell do I get him out of jail? I think I wrote myself into a corner here. I may have to redo the last 50 or 75 pages...which sucks, cause the writing itself is great.
2. Nightmare - great plot idea (at least I think so), and the writing is some of the best I've ever done. Got about 2,000 words on this one, but I can't quite seem to capture the voice I was writing in...
3. Flashback - I love the premise of this one. I also like the style I was writing in. But I put it down for maybe a little too long and can't seem to pick it back up...a little over 2,000 words.
4. Untitled - 500 words, mediocre writing and no idea where I was going with it. Can you say DELETE?
5. Surviving - almost 3,000 words. I liked the writing, it was good and in a different voice than I usually use. But it was about a wife who didn't know her husband was having an affair with her friend...and it got a little close to home. I may pick it back up eventually, but for now....
6. Outcast - 200 words, nice writing, good voice, but no idea what the direction is. This was one of those things that popped into my head while I was drunk. Shelved for the moment.
7. Untitled - over 1,000 words. Good plot, good voice, good writing. But a little too personal...shelved for the moment.
8. PKJ - Working on a title for this one. Good premise, though I may get in trouble for airing the family's dirty laundry. LOL. Over 4,000 words, great voice and good writing. Similar plot to Nightmare though.
9. Tired - 400 words, like the writing and the voice, but the subject matter is a little...disturbing. Reserving judgement on this one.
10. Arendiwanen - Another working title. Good plot, good voice, love the writing. But again, similar to Nightmare. 5,000 words.

So, here's my working list:

1. Wilderness - 63,000+ words
2. Flashback - 2,000+ words
3. Arendiwanen - 5,000+ words
4. Nightmare - 2,000+ words
5. PKJ - 4,000+ words

Now, let's see what I can do in a week. :D

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Getting Sick

God, how I hate
that stuffy,
dizzy
fever-chill
headache,
that scratchy
itchy
sore throat
feeling,
that achy
hurts everywhere
wish you could die
pain,
that comes the day before
the flu.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

A Bad Night

Dozing....
Sleeping...
Dreaming...
Why am I so cold?
Where's the blanket?
Oh, geez, he's wrapped himself
up like a mummy.
Seriously?
All the blankets?
Come on,
just give me one...
Just a corner?
Don't lay there like a rock.
Roll over;
At least let me have the sheet.
Fine.
I'll get one out of the closet.
There.
Warm...
Cozy...
Dozing...
Sleeping...
Dreaming...
What the...?
Wait a minute.
Where the hell's my pillow?
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
How many pillows do you need?
Come on,
That one's mine.
You've got two of your own.
Don't cuss me in your
mumbling sleep talk.
Give...
Me...
My...
Pillow...
There!
Finally.
So tired....
Just want to doze...
Sleep...
Dream...
Burning up.
Where did all these blankets come from?
What happened?
You got hot and threw yours
over on me?
Come on.
I need some sleep.
Take your damn covers back.
There.
Now I can doze...
Sleep...
Dream...
Cold again.
Wait a minute.
How did you get my blanket?
And where are yours?
In the floor?
How did they get in the floor?
This is ridiculous.
Fine.
I'll get up;
I'll get your blankets off the floor,
and use them.
I'll just get back in bed...
Oh, come on!
You cannot take up
the entire bed!
Get back...
Over on...
Your side...
Damnit.
That's right.
Lay there and snore...
Fine.
I'll sleep on your side.
I'm just so tired...
I can't wait to doze...
Sleep....
Dream....
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

And that's how the alarm clock got smashed...

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Sadly, this happens about once a week. LOL

The Soccer Mom

Her day started out so beautifully.
She got the children out of bed.
"Brush your teeth and wash your face."
She got them dressed and fed.
She told them to be good at school
And bring home little gold stars.
She gathered kids, books and homework
And put them in the car.
She drove them all to school
And dropped them at the curb.
She kissed their cheeks and smoothed their hair.
"Have a good day," she urged.

She turned the car toward the city
With thoughts of her husband, John.
I don't know the name of the interstate
Or which ramp she got on.
I know she sang along with the radio,
Some sweet song of love gone wrong.
She set the car on cruise control
And hurried right along.

When the truck in front swerved,
She couldn't react in time.
She tried to jerk the wheel around
And I heard her brakes whine.
She didn't have the time
That reaction would require.
And the metal in the road
Bit deep into her tires.
The brakes squealed in outrage
And she cried out in fear.
Her car was doing sixty
When she ran into the pier.
There was a crash like rising thunder.
I heard her cry out a name.
Powerless, I smelled the fumes
And saw the first flicker of flames.
I saw her through the window.
I saw her still awake.
As the fire consumed her body
And fed upon her face.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

This was actually a nightmare of mine and it was one of the worst I've ever had. Because in the dream, I *was* that woman. I'm not sure what made me dream this, but I didn't sleep for three nights after.

Silence

You say I talk to my friends too much
And you not enough,
But I can see their words
And I cannot always hear yours.
You get angry when I laugh at them
And not at your silliness,
But I can read their words easily
When listening to you is hard.
Fix it, you say.
I have tried.
They tell me nothing is wrong.
Don't you see how afraid I am?
Don't you know the silence terrifies me?
And how I dread the day
When music is no more to me
Than words on a page?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Uncertainty

How do I tell him how I feel?
I'm never sure how my words sound.
He's certainly no poet.
And sometimes he hears only what he wants to.
How do I show him my love?
I'm always worried that he's laughing at me
Without me realizing it.
And sometimes I know that it's true.
He doesn't always get me.
But he tries,
And when he wants to,
He can be the best there is.
But lately,
He doesn't seem to want to try.
Should I make him think there's competition?
No, too dangerous a game.
Should I make him think I'm bored?
He might not even notice.
Should I tell him how I feel?
It'll probably start a fight.
I hate to fight.
I hate to argue.
I always want everyone to like me
To approve of me.
I guess that's why
I hardly ever let myself
Be myself.
Damn, I hate this game.
Why can't we just be in love?
Why does it always have to be a game,
A game that no one can win?
How do I tell him how I feel,
When I'm so confused myself?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Gidget

My friend is sick today.
And it hurts me so,
To see her suffer
When I feel so well.
She's so miserable,
And I'm so healthy.
She's so sweet.
It's not fair.
And I can't think
Of a single thing
To make her smile.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Pagan Soul

Her light calls to me;
The full moon song carried on the night's wind.
I must sleep....
Her light covers everything,
Making this night as bright as day.
I should sleep...
Her magic falls on the forest outside my window
And I cannot resist her call.
I cannot sleep...
I want to run through the fields,
Singing to this moon,
Singing to the trees.
I want to find the circle in the forest
And build a fire taller than the trees.
I want to dance for her,
I want to sing for her.
I want to give in to the blood
Coursing through my veins.
My blood knows the old songs;
My blood knows the old dances.
My soul cries out
Begging for freedom.
Release me from my chains;
Let me live as I was meant to.
I want to give into her magic;
I want to let her weave a spell around me.
I want to call up the power
I have so long denied.
I want to be myself again.
I want to give myself to you,
And let you fill me with your power.
I want to dance beneath
This magic moon with you.
I want to worship you with my body,
I want to feed you with my soul;
And let the world
Of right and wrong,
Expectations and responsibilities
Melt away
In the fire of our love.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Flashbacks

Why is it you start ignoring things
That once meant so much,
And then something happens
To remind you
And suddenly,
That old song is playing
Every time you turn around.

How can you move through life
In such a fog?
Not even realizing
That you're not happy?
And then someone calls
And you see it so clearly
That you want to run away?

How is that you can
Lie to yourself for so long
And never even care?
Then you see something
And the truth shines through.

It's strange the little things
That have such power
To bring down the walls

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

I have no idea on this one. It was in a pile with a bunch from 2001. Could be then, could be earlier, could be later. Sadly, I'm bad to write when I'm drunk. Tends to make dating them harder.

Casting

The flickering flames jump and dance upon the wall
The ancient words rise upon the winds
The power rises, builds, grows
The air crackles with rising expectation
As without hesitation or pause she utters the words
That she has never dared to speak before

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

For myself for once...

How did I get myself crammed into
This narrow view everyone has
Of what I should be?
Why am I so afraid to
Simply be myself?
What's so terrible about
Who I really am?
I am strong;
But I let myself be weak,
So that he will feel I need him;
Just because I don't want
To be alone.
I let my past rule me,
Not because I fear the future,
But because my scars shame me.
I continue to let my family
Hurt me and have power over me,
Because they are all that I have.
And I am so very tired of trying to be
Everything for everyone.
I want to live for myself without
Feeling selfish or irresponsible.
I want to be myself, no matter how
It shocks, dismays or frightens you.
I want to be happy and content.
I was, once upon a time.
I will be again.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Quiet, My Love

Shhh...quiet, my love
There's no need to speak
No need to make promises we'll later have to keep

Shhh...quiet, my love
Just hold me as close as you can
Heal me with the gentle touch of your hands

Shhh...quiet, my love
I just want to be with you, be near you
Please don't ever let me go....

29 August 2008

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Who Am I?

I am everything
I am nothing
I am not enough
I am too much
I am never what you need
I am never what you want
I am simply what you have
I am the one who waits for you
To get tired and come back
I am the one who makes due
With what you choose to give
I am one who can never trust again
You bruised my heart
I would have loved you
Like no other could
If you had only been willing
To love only me...

27 August 2008

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Emptiness Surrounds

My heart is so empty
Everyone has tried to fill it
But there simply isn't enough
Friendship or Love
In the world
To fill the aching void
Left behind
By a child
That wasn't even mine

13 December 2001

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Aurora

I don't know whose hand brought you to us
Maybe it was God, or maybe just Fate
It doesn't really matter
What matters is that you came
You brought sunshine into our lives
We didn't even know we were living in darkness
Until you came
And, oh, how we loved you

We watched your first steps
And heard your first words
You filled holes in our souls and hearts
That we didn't even know were there
We didn't realize how much we needed you
Until you were already with us

Every day with you
Was a moment stolen from heaven
Every tear you cried
Shattered my heart
Every laugh from your lips
Captured my soul
I was so proud
To call you mine

Time seemed to pass so quickly
While you were with me
And now it crawls so slowly
You filled such a void in my life
And somehow
Left an even bigger one behind

Now each day dawns darker than the one before
Each night stretches out longer than the last
Each breath becomes harder to draw
Each heartbeat lasts an eternity
I have never been so lonely
Nor so heartbroken
I have never felt so lost
Or betrayed
I would rather have died myself
Than to have lost you

I hid my tears
I buried my pain
I built a wall
And sometimes
There's a crack in the wall
And my pain and tears escape
Lashes out
At the ones I love
I don't know how to heal
The wound on my heart

Everyone who cared
Told me to move on
But how can I?
A piece of myself
Has been ripped away
And I should get over it?
How do I move on
When memories drag me back?
How can I live my life
When I feel my life is gone?
If it's not better by now
Will it ever be?
Or should I simply give up?

I know my life
Is defined by more than a child
But why
Just this once
Can't I have
What I've always wanted most?
Are my prayers
Than unimportant?
Or only me?

13 December 2001

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Crocodile Tears

Crocodile tears
God, how I hate them
As you say you're sorry
You didn't mean to
Try to hold me, kiss me
As if I didn't still have your handprint on my throat

Crocodile tears
God, how I hate them
As you say you're sorry
She didn't mean anything
You didn't really love her, no
As if I didn't hear you say you wished I was her

Crocodile tears
God, how I hate them
As you say you're sorry
Never happen again
But it will
Is it your fault for hurting me?
Or mine for staying?

27 August 2008

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Rage In Storm

The thunder calls my name
As lightning clears my path
The night slowly changing
There is no turning back
Time has abandoned us
The past has returned
To haunt, mercilessly
I am lost in the storm
That rages in my heart

12 September 1994

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Nightmare

Running in a black void
From something I cannot see
Wild with fear I run
A black hand reaches for me
I awaken in a cold sweat
Fall asleep again
Only to begin again
Running in a black void
From something I cannot see

April 1991

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Time Passes By

Like petals in the wind
The minutes fly on
The children of yesterday
Have passed into tomorrow
Never to be seen again
The love of yesterday
Has faded into darkness
Like the setting of the sun
And in the darkest hour
Before the dawn's rising
Emptiness surrounds

26 November 1994

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Voices II

I cannot sleep
The voices --
Oh the voices
I close my eyes
The cruel taunting blows
The assaults; the taunts
They torment me
I cannot rest
I cannot run
I cannot hide
The tease me
For my weaknesses
They ridicule me
For my strengths
They whisper
Lies
Taunts
Threats
Promises
Destined to move through life
In a restless daze
No rest
No peace
No solace
No love
No life
Damn the voices
Damn them all

22 April 1996

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Hear The Voices

Hear the voices, little girl
They speak to you
From the darkness
From the void
From behind the wall
Hear the voices, little girl
They curse your name
They curse your blood
They curse your heart
Hear the voices, little girl
They want your freedom
They want your love
They want your soul
Hear the voices, little girl
They hate you
They despise you
And they will kill you
Hear the voices, little girl
Listen well

15 August 1995

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Voices

The voices forever
In my head
In my heart
In my sould
Til death
And beyond
Forevermore
Voices
Agony
Pain
Defeat
Voices
Torment my sleep
My days
My nights
What is happening to me?
I do not know
Do not want to know
For fear is there
Just like the voices
Forevermore
Voices
Voices

June 1991

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Regret

Dancing with the sun in among the clouds of a winter day
Trying to find the one I lost somewhere along the way
Searching, looking, always hoping, calling out his name
And if I find him, will he listen to what I need to say
Dancing with the sun in among the clouds of a winter day
Lost and lonely, fogotten, hoping, nothing left to pray

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

rainfilled memories

rainfilled memories
left in the gloomy night
to be forgotten
like an old jar left
forgotten
filling with rainwater
they fill with
despair, loneliness
they are lost to me
as the rain slowly pours down
darkness settles in
rain fills the jar
despair fills the memory
the cup runneth over
the rain still falls
falling
falling
rainfilled memories
left in the gloomy night

6 September 1994

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Eyes Wide Closed

When I close my eyes at night
I then can clearly see
The one I still love dearly
Who no longer cares for me

When I close my eyes in thought
I can see the one whom I hate
The one I wish most to leave
But who I cannot push away

When I close my eyes in despair
I can see the two of us together
The way we once were
When you said forever

14 September 1994

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

If That Was All...

If all I could ever have
Was just to be near you
To feel your presence beside me
To feel your warmth near me
To be close to you
Yet never have you touch me
To be with you
If that was all I could have
It would be enough

If I could only look into your eyes
Without you ever seeing me
Just to stare into those kind, loving eyes
To get lost in them
If that was all I could do
It would still be heaven

If I could only hear you call my name
The sound of it on your lips
To hear it spoken with love
With compassion
If that was my only comfort
It would be more than I could ever hope for

If I had to love you
Without you ever knowing
Or even caring
Just to love you would be enough

If I could only have you hold me
Have you stroke my hair
And comfort me
Have you tell me everything's all right
If that was all I had in life
I could live forever
With you beside me
Never needing food or sleep
Because you are my strength
Your love makes my life perfect
And you make me perfect

I love you

8 March 1995

Lost

Softly calling
Hear my plea
Yet no one answers
Nor cares to love
Tears fall helplessly
From a broken heart
As lovelight slowly fades

The dream has been shattered
A river of misery
A tide of regrets
I wish I could
Make it all right

7 November 1994

Season Of Rain

Teardrops from heaven
Falling from the stars
Washing away the memories
Washing away old scars
Cool wind softly blows
Healing the wounded heart
Making whole once again
A broken heart's cure
In a season of rain

Like a rain-flooded river
Emotions flood the heart
Echo softly through the night
The dance once more starts
The rain has washed away
The heart's tearstains
With nothing to lose
And so much to gain
Another love flowers
In a season of rain

20 October 1994

Credo

Don't be afraid to speak your mind
Most anything worth thinking is worth saying
But remember who will hear you

Don't be afraid to do what you feel you need to
It's your life
But remember who you must answer to

Don't be afraid to be yourself
If they don't like you for yourself
They're not worth knowing

Don't be afraid to say you can't
As long as you don't mean that you won't
You learn nothing by doing nothing

Don't be afraid of what others may say
They can't hurt you
Unless you let them.

15 October 1994

And Forever

I've never let myself fall in love
It simply isn't safe
Every other time before
I was the one to walk away
I never stayed around too long
It was "hello" and then "goodbye"
I never shed a single tear
But something's wrong this time
I've stayed with you much longer
Than I ever thought I could
I've thought of you more often
Than I ever thought I would
Your name is written everywhere
Forever's up there, too
I talk about you all the time
I think of nothing but you
And Forever

23 August 1994

Peace

A creek's trickle
A whippoorwill's call
Crickets' chirping
So quiet
So still
No sound of people
No city's bustle
Devoid of the whine of tires
And the honking of horns

Oh, how poets search for such peace in the poems
How writers strive for such tranquility in their words
Through the ages, mankind has sought to define peace

'Tis such a pity
Had they but asked
I would have shared the secret

For the only peace
That a human can know
Is the depressing peace
Of loneliness

14 December 2001

Upon The Timeless Tide

Upon the timeless tide of love
A heartache slowly glides
In a sea of memories
To the sands of forgotten time
And remembering a dark past
A broken soul remains behind
Afraid of earning another scar
Unable to stand anymore pain
Afraid to take another chance
Refusing to love again
Unwilling to let anyone try
To erase a heartache's stain

14 November 1994

Pour Appeller Le Mien / To Call My Own

Pendant le soir / During the night
Je pense de toi / I think of you
Je rêve de toi/ I dream of you
Je vois ton image / I see your face
Dans mon someil / In my sleep
Je vois tes yeux / I see your eyes
Le dedans je vois / In them I see
Moi-même / Myself
Je vois l'amour / I see love
J'éspere que / I wish that
Tu m'adores / You loved me
Parce que / Because
Je t'adore / I love you
Tu m'aurais adoré / You would love me
Si tu m'as connu / If you knew me
Mais tu es parti / But you have gone
Et je suis seule / And I am alone
Avec rien / With nothing
Et personne / And no one
Pour appeller le mein / To call my own

Soul

Raindrops fall
From a broken heart
To hit the windowpanes
Of my soul
They slide down the glass
Into a black pool
That human eyes
Can never see
A wind blows
Across my mind
Carrying a tune
I have never heard
Reminding me of a place
I have never been
And of a face
I can never forget
My heart cries out
It's love
But he cannot hear
The plea
He can only hear the heartbeat
Of the girl he loves
And he will never call me
His goddess
But I still love him

31 August 1994

Sandcastles At Sunset

The children are gone
Gone home for the day
They've left me here on the beach
Sandcastles at sunset
The tide is coming in
Washing me away
Grain by grain by grain
Sandcastles at sunset
The children are gone
My majesty begins to fade
Slowly slipping away
Sandcastles at sunset

The
     tide
          rolls
                in...

1 September 1994

Upon Where Waters Die

Upon where waters die
Upon the golden strands of time
Where lovers once danced
Playing the game of sweet romance

Upon where waters die
Upon the timeless tide
Slowly rolls the night
In the cold moon's sight

Upon where waters die
Upon the pale moon's rise
A true love slowly fades
Rivers wash the dream away

Here We Bury

There are places
Hidden deep
Within the human soul
Where no one
Else can see
Here we bury
Our shames
Our fears
Where no one
Can ever know
Here we bury
Our secrets
Without
A tombstone
Never to be found
Never to be know
Here we bury
The dead
Damned
Memories
Of childhood
Here we bury
Our love
Here we bury
Our hate
Here we bury
Ourselves
Never to be known
Never to be found
Never to be loved

Here we bury

My World Has Fallen

Crying at the window
Slowly the rain falls
My world has fallen
I cannot take much more
What did I do wrong? I asked
He never did reply
Where did I go wrong? I demanded
He simply watched me cry
And turned away
Left the love that I so cherished
To fall to ruin and decay
Misery and heartache
Are old, dear friends
They visit me often now
My world has fallen
And no one can put it back
The way it was
When you were mine.

31 August 1994

If...

If I had called your name
Before that door swung shut
Would you have heard me?
Would you have stopped;
Turned;
And come back to me?

If I had said "I'm sorry"
Before you touched that doorknob
Would you have believed me?
Would you have hugged me,
Tears in your eyes
Apologizing too?

If I had told you I loved you
Before I said anything else,
Would I still be miserable?
Sitting here all alone,
Wishing I had said
Something else?

21 December 2001

Never Forgotten

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
To just before I lost you
Other times I wish I could go back
To just before I found you
And I wonder if the one who said
That losing was better than not having
Ever had anything to lose
Sometimes I wish I'd never lost you
And then I curse the day I found you
But never doubt I miss you
And never worry I love you

21 December 2001

Stupid Selfishness

My emptiness consumes me
My loneliness - a curse
My demons hunt and stalk me
As they walk upon this earth
They've come to drag me down
Back to their pits in Hell
Where I shall pay for my sins
And forever there to dwell

Obsessed with my own
Selfish, stupid woes
I let in the darkness
That now claims my soul
I invited into my life
The depression
That now calls it home

I thought my prayers had been answered
I though I had finally won
The dream that I so cherished
I could never have known
The nightmare
That I had begun

14 December 2001

Mourning

My life is an endless well of deep depression
With a scant few years of light shining in it
Not even enough
To reflect itself in my writing
Everything I've ever cared for
Has been stolen from me
I have cried so often
That tears no longer come to me
And I have but two releases left -
Poetry and Death
And I long for both
With such desire
That it cripples me

30 July 1996

The Mirror

Broken pieces
Almost too easy to pick up
So simple to fit back together
But the cracks
Will always remain
And the vision can never
Be whole again

17 September 1996

Eternity

I have seen your face
Somewhere before
In the eyes of infinity
Perhaps
In a hidden place Where time stood still
In a fevered dream
That left me breathless
In a timeless temple
Hallowed and sacred
Or perhaps merely a memory
Stored deep within my soul;
Hidden in the shadows
Waiting to burst forth
Into your light
Waiting to be freed
By your sweet kiss

I have waited an eternity for you.

21 December 2001

Beware Children

Beware children
Your toys are deadly
Your temper tantrums unravel
The stitches of creation
Open your eyes
See the destruction
Stop your ceaseless selfish storms
See beyond your vanities
Save the innocent if you can
The friendly fire of enemies
Has trapped you in the crossfire
Where now your righteous justice?
Buried beneath innocent lives
In unmarked graves
You soon will join.

Beware children
You rush toward an end
You cannot understand
So consumed by the rush
(Lemmings rush, rush, rush,)
So you see the cliff?
Do you know the cost?
Innocent blood shed
Crocodile tears
Repent, for the hour
Is near
Turn back
Foolish pride

18 March 2003\

Distant

He used to say he loved her
Everytime he saw her
But lately he only says it if she does

He used to want to hold her
With her head upon his shoulder
In a bedroom that once was filled with love

They used to laugh and tease
And say anything they pleased
But now the house is quiet as a tomb

He comes home in the evening
And sits before the T.V.
And never even knows she's in the room

Has he grown bored with her?
Has he sparked an old flame?
She could fight this enemy, if it only had a name...

November 2001

Tears

I never really noticed how little people cared,
Until I was broken
And nobody noticed.

Laugh and the world laughs with you;
Cry and you will always cry alone...
27 August 2008

untitled

all i ever wanted
was someone to
hold me
love me
put no one else before me
stand beside me
listen to me
let me be myself
i didn't realize
that was asking too much

walk softly

now what kind of love is that?
to only love me
when i agree with you
to only love me
when i do what you want
to only love me
when i fit into
the narrow view you have
of what i should be
you're not a child
so stop acting like one
i really do love you
and i know i said
i'd never leave you
but there are some lines
even you can't cross
so tread a little
more carefully

I Know Her

Sometimes I hate that you care so much
About everyone else
And listen to me so little
I've heard her lies before
She's been spouting them since
Before I was born
She just wants attention
And she'll get it any way she can
She'll say
He beats her
Mistreats her
Abuses her
Uses her
Whatever will gain her sympathy
And if you want to fall for it
That's okay with me
Don't be mad because I don't
Because eventually
When you realize
How she's manipulating you
You'll become part of the lie too
And then what will you do?

Futility

Why do you fear me so?
Because I know things
That I shouldn't
Couldn't possibly know?
Oh, but if you could see
The things I see;
The things I don't tell you.
If you could see the way it hurts me
To hide myself
From you,
From the world.
I didn't ask for this
You know.
It comes with the blood.
And what I wouldn't do
To convince myself
That there was good in it.
To believe that I could change
The things I know I can't.
I cannot accept it
I cannot ignore it
And I cannot share it,
Not even with you.
You fear me when I do.
They all fear me when I do.
So I suffer in silence;
Unable to help,
Unable to change anything.
And wishing that
I knew what He expected of me.

Untitled

What an interesting game this is
And I know you think you can win
But the problem you see
Is that you have no idea
Who you're playing against.