untitled

it's not that i want things my own way
its not that i'm not up for some change
but if to speak and be heard
is so undeserved
perhaps i should just walk away

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Untitled

I'm grateful that you worry
And I appreciate your concern
But why on earth are you lecturing me
For things beyond my control?
It's nice to know I matter
And it's sweet to know you care
But I'm not doing this on purpose
It's something I can't stop
I know that you can't see how deeply
Your words have caused me pain
You gently comfort others
But tell me I should be ashamed
Just because you cannot see
How truly sick I am
Or how badly this illness hurts me
You think I have no need
For love or comforting words
You cannot see how badly
My heart has begun to hurt
You hold me at arms length
Afraid you'll catch it too
When the very thing I need
Is a kiss, a hug, a smile
Or just a kind word from you

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

For the record, I am sick. I am not anorexic. I am not on a crash diet. I am not starving myself. I AM SICK. Please stop fussing at me for losing weight. I'M NOT DOING IT ON PURPOSE!!! I AM SICK!!!

Locked Away

See that woman over there
The one you think is
So strong
So sure
So brave?
The one you think doesn't need
Anyone
Or anything?
The one you think is trying
To manipulate and control you?
She's not as strong as you think she is.
She's just good at hiding.
Good at hiding her worry;
Good at hiding her pain;
Good at hiding her scars;
Good at hiding herself.
She knows that just because
You claim to love her
Doesn't mean
That she can trust you.
She's never trusted anyone;
And she's never been disappointed.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

the only one

sometimes i wonder
if i'm the only one
who feels like
they're going crazy
if i'm the only one
who feels like
life's too hard
if i'm the only one
who feels like
they're worthless
if i'm the only one
who feels like
time's not on my side
if i'm the only one
who feels like
they're lost

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

From A Distance

I guess my writing makes it
Easy to see
From the outside.
And so removed...
I wonder
Which is sadder?
The fact that I'm so desperate?
Or
The fact that you don't see it?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Time

Eleven years is a long time
To know someone,
To love someone,
And still not trust them;
Still not know the little things,
Like my favorite song,
My favorite book;
To still not understand
That sometimes I will be sad
No matter what you do;
And sometimes I will laugh
No matter how mad it makes you.

It's a long time to know me
And yet still not understand,
That no matter what you say or do,
There will always be times
That I must be alone.
There will always be places
Where you cannot follow.

Eleven years is a long time
Much too long
For me to ever expect
For you to change.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Mon Pere

I just wondered if you
Had forgotten me.
You haven't called in
Quite a while.
Is your new family
That much better?
Doesn't it count
That I'm the only blood you have?
Doesn't it count
That I love you?
You don't reply to
My letters.
You don't answer
My phone calls.
Are you forgetting me?
Or ignoring me?
I don't guess it matters.
I'm used to being forgotten.
I just wish
You'd give me the courtesy
Of an excuse.
I guess you're too busy.
I wish I didn't care so much.
But I do love you.
And I miss you.
I wish you'd call.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Lost

Softly calling
Hear my plea
Yet no one answers
Nor cares to love
Tears fall helplessly
From a broken heart
As lovelight slowly fades

The dream has been shattered
A river of misery
A tide of regrets
I wish I could
Make it all right

7 November 1994

Soul

Raindrops fall
From a broken heart
To hit the windowpanes
Of my soul
They slide down the glass
Into a black pool
That human eyes
Can never see
A wind blows
Across my mind
Carrying a tune
I have never heard
Reminding me of a place
I have never been
And of a face
I can never forget
My heart cries out
It's love
But he cannot hear
The plea
He can only hear the heartbeat
Of the girl he loves
And he will never call me
His goddess
But I still love him

31 August 1994

Mourning

My life is an endless well of deep depression
With a scant few years of light shining in it
Not even enough
To reflect itself in my writing
Everything I've ever cared for
Has been stolen from me
I have cried so often
That tears no longer come to me
And I have but two releases left -
Poetry and Death
And I long for both
With such desire
That it cripples me

30 July 1996

The Mirror

Broken pieces
Almost too easy to pick up
So simple to fit back together
But the cracks
Will always remain
And the vision can never
Be whole again

17 September 1996

Distant

He used to say he loved her
Everytime he saw her
But lately he only says it if she does

He used to want to hold her
With her head upon his shoulder
In a bedroom that once was filled with love

They used to laugh and tease
And say anything they pleased
But now the house is quiet as a tomb

He comes home in the evening
And sits before the T.V.
And never even knows she's in the room

Has he grown bored with her?
Has he sparked an old flame?
She could fight this enemy, if it only had a name...

November 2001

Tears

I never really noticed how little people cared,
Until I was broken
And nobody noticed.

Laugh and the world laughs with you;
Cry and you will always cry alone...
27 August 2008

untitled

all i ever wanted
was someone to
hold me
love me
put no one else before me
stand beside me
listen to me
let me be myself
i didn't realize
that was asking too much