Locked Away

See that woman over there
The one you think is
So strong
So sure
So brave?
The one you think doesn't need
Anyone
Or anything?
The one you think is trying
To manipulate and control you?
She's not as strong as you think she is.
She's just good at hiding.
Good at hiding her worry;
Good at hiding her pain;
Good at hiding her scars;
Good at hiding herself.
She knows that just because
You claim to love her
Doesn't mean
That she can trust you.
She's never trusted anyone;
And she's never been disappointed.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Hurt

Sometimes, you just can't say it any better than someone else already has...



I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep mysel
fI would find a way...

Unworthy

With all the darkness that courses through my veins,
With all the misery I have caused and known,
How can they look to me for guidance?
With all the sins I have committed,
And the thousand more that I have considered,
How can they ask me to teach them?
If they could see the dark secrets
That hide in my heart,
Perhaps they would understand.
Though I may see
I am blind.
Though I may hear
I am deaf.
And I am far too lost
To show them the way.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Lifted Up

I remembered you in my prayers.
I don't know you well,
Not really at all.
But I cried when I thought
Of how you hurt.
I didn't cause your pain,
But I have caused the same pain
For others.
And so,
I prayed for you.
I prayed for
Comfort,
Strength,
And healing.
I prayed that someday soon,
When you're ready,
That true love will find you.
That you will find the happiness
That I know you deserve.
I prayed that you will be patient
And wait -
That the pain you feel now,
Is only
Preparing you
For better things.
I remembered you in my prayers
Because
I've caused the pain you feel;
I've felt the pain you feel.
But also because
I know that sometimes
It just isn't meant to be
No matter how badly
You wanted it.
I know that sometimes
Destiny
Denies you what you want
To give you what you need.
And it's far better.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

the only one

sometimes i wonder
if i'm the only one
who feels like
they're going crazy
if i'm the only one
who feels like
life's too hard
if i'm the only one
who feels like
they're worthless
if i'm the only one
who feels like
time's not on my side
if i'm the only one
who feels like
they're lost

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Vision

I saw the truth...
I saw beyond the stars...
I saw what others
Could not,
Would not,
See.
I saw what was beyond...
And somehow,
It made sense
That it was
Nothing.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

From A Distance

I guess my writing makes it
Easy to see
From the outside.
And so removed...
I wonder
Which is sadder?
The fact that I'm so desperate?
Or
The fact that you don't see it?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

No More...

I just wonder
What you'd think,
If you knew,
How many times
I regretted
Making that promise.
I really do love you...
But I really don't want
To be here anymore...
It just
Hurts too much.
I'm sorry.
But you shouldn't
Worry too much.
I was never
That brave
Anyway.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Broken

Damnit.
Everything keeps coming out
Wrong today.
I hate to feel
So out of sorts.
So off balance.
I hate these days.
They're so hard to
Fight through.
And it's almost not worth
Getting out of bed,
Or even breathing.
And all I want is
To cry until
It doesn't hurt anymore.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Time

Eleven years is a long time
To know someone,
To love someone,
And still not trust them;
Still not know the little things,
Like my favorite song,
My favorite book;
To still not understand
That sometimes I will be sad
No matter what you do;
And sometimes I will laugh
No matter how mad it makes you.

It's a long time to know me
And yet still not understand,
That no matter what you say or do,
There will always be times
That I must be alone.
There will always be places
Where you cannot follow.

Eleven years is a long time
Much too long
For me to ever expect
For you to change.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Breakdown

it hurts so much to remember
and it's all in a fog anyway...
yes, i know that i knew her,
and that i should remember him...
but it's all so fuzzy
in my mind...
i know everyone thinks
i'm getting old
before my time...
they make jokes and
laugh about it...
i can't put the names
to faces anymore...
i can't recall if
we were friends
or enemies
anymore...
i've forgotten
so much more
than i realized...
and i wonder if they
would still laugh about it
if they knew why...
it's so hard to
think straight
after
you've been broken...

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Mon Pere

I just wondered if you
Had forgotten me.
You haven't called in
Quite a while.
Is your new family
That much better?
Doesn't it count
That I'm the only blood you have?
Doesn't it count
That I love you?
You don't reply to
My letters.
You don't answer
My phone calls.
Are you forgetting me?
Or ignoring me?
I don't guess it matters.
I'm used to being forgotten.
I just wish
You'd give me the courtesy
Of an excuse.
I guess you're too busy.
I wish I didn't care so much.
But I do love you.
And I miss you.
I wish you'd call.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Emptiness Surrounds

My heart is so empty
Everyone has tried to fill it
But there simply isn't enough
Friendship or Love
In the world
To fill the aching void
Left behind
By a child
That wasn't even mine

13 December 2001

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Crocodile Tears

Crocodile tears
God, how I hate them
As you say you're sorry
You didn't mean to
Try to hold me, kiss me
As if I didn't still have your handprint on my throat

Crocodile tears
God, how I hate them
As you say you're sorry
She didn't mean anything
You didn't really love her, no
As if I didn't hear you say you wished I was her

Crocodile tears
God, how I hate them
As you say you're sorry
Never happen again
But it will
Is it your fault for hurting me?
Or mine for staying?

27 August 2008

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

rainfilled memories

rainfilled memories
left in the gloomy night
to be forgotten
like an old jar left
forgotten
filling with rainwater
they fill with
despair, loneliness
they are lost to me
as the rain slowly pours down
darkness settles in
rain fills the jar
despair fills the memory
the cup runneth over
the rain still falls
falling
falling
rainfilled memories
left in the gloomy night

6 September 1994

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Lost

Softly calling
Hear my plea
Yet no one answers
Nor cares to love
Tears fall helplessly
From a broken heart
As lovelight slowly fades

The dream has been shattered
A river of misery
A tide of regrets
I wish I could
Make it all right

7 November 1994

Peace

A creek's trickle
A whippoorwill's call
Crickets' chirping
So quiet
So still
No sound of people
No city's bustle
Devoid of the whine of tires
And the honking of horns

Oh, how poets search for such peace in the poems
How writers strive for such tranquility in their words
Through the ages, mankind has sought to define peace

'Tis such a pity
Had they but asked
I would have shared the secret

For the only peace
That a human can know
Is the depressing peace
Of loneliness

14 December 2001

Soul

Raindrops fall
From a broken heart
To hit the windowpanes
Of my soul
They slide down the glass
Into a black pool
That human eyes
Can never see
A wind blows
Across my mind
Carrying a tune
I have never heard
Reminding me of a place
I have never been
And of a face
I can never forget
My heart cries out
It's love
But he cannot hear
The plea
He can only hear the heartbeat
Of the girl he loves
And he will never call me
His goddess
But I still love him

31 August 1994

Upon Where Waters Die

Upon where waters die
Upon the golden strands of time
Where lovers once danced
Playing the game of sweet romance

Upon where waters die
Upon the timeless tide
Slowly rolls the night
In the cold moon's sight

Upon where waters die
Upon the pale moon's rise
A true love slowly fades
Rivers wash the dream away

My World Has Fallen

Crying at the window
Slowly the rain falls
My world has fallen
I cannot take much more
What did I do wrong? I asked
He never did reply
Where did I go wrong? I demanded
He simply watched me cry
And turned away
Left the love that I so cherished
To fall to ruin and decay
Misery and heartache
Are old, dear friends
They visit me often now
My world has fallen
And no one can put it back
The way it was
When you were mine.

31 August 1994