Aurora

oh my precious little angel
if you had any idea
what it did for my heart
to know that you remember me
to know that even once
i crossed your mind
if you had any idea
how many times you've crossed mine
how much love i still have for you
how much i've worried about you
and that you've never left my heart
oh my precious angel
how i've missed you
all these years

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Breakdown

it hurts so much to remember
and it's all in a fog anyway...
yes, i know that i knew her,
and that i should remember him...
but it's all so fuzzy
in my mind...
i know everyone thinks
i'm getting old
before my time...
they make jokes and
laugh about it...
i can't put the names
to faces anymore...
i can't recall if
we were friends
or enemies
anymore...
i've forgotten
so much more
than i realized...
and i wonder if they
would still laugh about it
if they knew why...
it's so hard to
think straight
after
you've been broken...

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

My Enemy

i know it shouldn't amuse me
to hear of your difficulties
but you destroyed my life once
and so
i can't help the sadistic streak
that rears its head
the little voice in my mind
that laughs
when i hear
about your car wreck
when i find out
you have lupus
when they talk about
your strokes
how your husband left you
and your children hate you
and that bus that hit you?
that one was priceless
i know it's cruel and petty
but did you really think
that you could hurt me
like you did
and not pay for it?
ah, but i guess
people like you
never learn

© 1991-2008 Samantha Greene

Emptiness Surrounds

My heart is so empty
Everyone has tried to fill it
But there simply isn't enough
Friendship or Love
In the world
To fill the aching void
Left behind
By a child
That wasn't even mine

13 December 2001

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Aurora

I don't know whose hand brought you to us
Maybe it was God, or maybe just Fate
It doesn't really matter
What matters is that you came
You brought sunshine into our lives
We didn't even know we were living in darkness
Until you came
And, oh, how we loved you

We watched your first steps
And heard your first words
You filled holes in our souls and hearts
That we didn't even know were there
We didn't realize how much we needed you
Until you were already with us

Every day with you
Was a moment stolen from heaven
Every tear you cried
Shattered my heart
Every laugh from your lips
Captured my soul
I was so proud
To call you mine

Time seemed to pass so quickly
While you were with me
And now it crawls so slowly
You filled such a void in my life
And somehow
Left an even bigger one behind

Now each day dawns darker than the one before
Each night stretches out longer than the last
Each breath becomes harder to draw
Each heartbeat lasts an eternity
I have never been so lonely
Nor so heartbroken
I have never felt so lost
Or betrayed
I would rather have died myself
Than to have lost you

I hid my tears
I buried my pain
I built a wall
And sometimes
There's a crack in the wall
And my pain and tears escape
Lashes out
At the ones I love
I don't know how to heal
The wound on my heart

Everyone who cared
Told me to move on
But how can I?
A piece of myself
Has been ripped away
And I should get over it?
How do I move on
When memories drag me back?
How can I live my life
When I feel my life is gone?
If it's not better by now
Will it ever be?
Or should I simply give up?

I know my life
Is defined by more than a child
But why
Just this once
Can't I have
What I've always wanted most?
Are my prayers
Than unimportant?
Or only me?

13 December 2001

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Never Forgotten

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
To just before I lost you
Other times I wish I could go back
To just before I found you
And I wonder if the one who said
That losing was better than not having
Ever had anything to lose
Sometimes I wish I'd never lost you
And then I curse the day I found you
But never doubt I miss you
And never worry I love you

21 December 2001

Stupid Selfishness

My emptiness consumes me
My loneliness - a curse
My demons hunt and stalk me
As they walk upon this earth
They've come to drag me down
Back to their pits in Hell
Where I shall pay for my sins
And forever there to dwell

Obsessed with my own
Selfish, stupid woes
I let in the darkness
That now claims my soul
I invited into my life
The depression
That now calls it home

I thought my prayers had been answered
I though I had finally won
The dream that I so cherished
I could never have known
The nightmare
That I had begun

14 December 2001