At A Loss...

I've so much within me that I want to say
But I'm not sure anyone's listening anyway
I got what I wanted, but don't want what I've got
My mind turns against me more often than not
I hate who I am and what I've become
But I see no way out even if I could run
Some days I wish that I'd never been here
That I'd never known pain, that I'd never known fear
Sometimes I rage and sometimes I cry
Do I know the truth or is it all lies?
Are you my enemy or are you my friend?
And will any of it matter when we get to the end?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Oh...and one more thing...why the heck is everything coming out in rhymes lately? I never used to rhyme hardly anything....

Upward Exit

He doesn't answer when I call;
And I worry.
He doesn't reply to my emails;
And I worry.
He may only be ignoring me
For some imagined slight.
But I worry somehow
That something isn't right.
For years ago, they told me
Something I'd rather not know.
I may not know the day;
But I do know the road...
I may not know the hour;
But I do know the result...
And though I tried to tell him
He simply won't believe;
And so I simply wait and worry
And wish I hadn't seen.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Vision

I saw the truth...
I saw beyond the stars...
I saw what others
Could not,
Would not,
See.
I saw what was beyond...
And somehow,
It made sense
That it was
Nothing.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

No More...

I just wonder
What you'd think,
If you knew,
How many times
I regretted
Making that promise.
I really do love you...
But I really don't want
To be here anymore...
It just
Hurts too much.
I'm sorry.
But you shouldn't
Worry too much.
I was never
That brave
Anyway.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Breakdown

it hurts so much to remember
and it's all in a fog anyway...
yes, i know that i knew her,
and that i should remember him...
but it's all so fuzzy
in my mind...
i know everyone thinks
i'm getting old
before my time...
they make jokes and
laugh about it...
i can't put the names
to faces anymore...
i can't recall if
we were friends
or enemies
anymore...
i've forgotten
so much more
than i realized...
and i wonder if they
would still laugh about it
if they knew why...
it's so hard to
think straight
after
you've been broken...

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Mon Pere

I just wondered if you
Had forgotten me.
You haven't called in
Quite a while.
Is your new family
That much better?
Doesn't it count
That I'm the only blood you have?
Doesn't it count
That I love you?
You don't reply to
My letters.
You don't answer
My phone calls.
Are you forgetting me?
Or ignoring me?
I don't guess it matters.
I'm used to being forgotten.
I just wish
You'd give me the courtesy
Of an excuse.
I guess you're too busy.
I wish I didn't care so much.
But I do love you.
And I miss you.
I wish you'd call.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

The Soccer Mom

Her day started out so beautifully.
She got the children out of bed.
"Brush your teeth and wash your face."
She got them dressed and fed.
She told them to be good at school
And bring home little gold stars.
She gathered kids, books and homework
And put them in the car.
She drove them all to school
And dropped them at the curb.
She kissed their cheeks and smoothed their hair.
"Have a good day," she urged.

She turned the car toward the city
With thoughts of her husband, John.
I don't know the name of the interstate
Or which ramp she got on.
I know she sang along with the radio,
Some sweet song of love gone wrong.
She set the car on cruise control
And hurried right along.

When the truck in front swerved,
She couldn't react in time.
She tried to jerk the wheel around
And I heard her brakes whine.
She didn't have the time
That reaction would require.
And the metal in the road
Bit deep into her tires.
The brakes squealed in outrage
And she cried out in fear.
Her car was doing sixty
When she ran into the pier.
There was a crash like rising thunder.
I heard her cry out a name.
Powerless, I smelled the fumes
And saw the first flicker of flames.
I saw her through the window.
I saw her still awake.
As the fire consumed her body
And fed upon her face.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

This was actually a nightmare of mine and it was one of the worst I've ever had. Because in the dream, I *was* that woman. I'm not sure what made me dream this, but I didn't sleep for three nights after.

Uncertainty

How do I tell him how I feel?
I'm never sure how my words sound.
He's certainly no poet.
And sometimes he hears only what he wants to.
How do I show him my love?
I'm always worried that he's laughing at me
Without me realizing it.
And sometimes I know that it's true.
He doesn't always get me.
But he tries,
And when he wants to,
He can be the best there is.
But lately,
He doesn't seem to want to try.
Should I make him think there's competition?
No, too dangerous a game.
Should I make him think I'm bored?
He might not even notice.
Should I tell him how I feel?
It'll probably start a fight.
I hate to fight.
I hate to argue.
I always want everyone to like me
To approve of me.
I guess that's why
I hardly ever let myself
Be myself.
Damn, I hate this game.
Why can't we just be in love?
Why does it always have to be a game,
A game that no one can win?
How do I tell him how I feel,
When I'm so confused myself?

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

untitled

all i ever wanted
was someone to
hold me
love me
put no one else before me
stand beside me
listen to me
let me be myself
i didn't realize
that was asking too much