Casting

The flickering flames jump and dance upon the wall
The ancient words rise upon the winds
The power rises, builds, grows
The air crackles with rising expectation
As without hesitation or pause she utters the words
That she has never dared to speak before

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

For myself for once...

How did I get myself crammed into
This narrow view everyone has
Of what I should be?
Why am I so afraid to
Simply be myself?
What's so terrible about
Who I really am?
I am strong;
But I let myself be weak,
So that he will feel I need him;
Just because I don't want
To be alone.
I let my past rule me,
Not because I fear the future,
But because my scars shame me.
I continue to let my family
Hurt me and have power over me,
Because they are all that I have.
And I am so very tired of trying to be
Everything for everyone.
I want to live for myself without
Feeling selfish or irresponsible.
I want to be myself, no matter how
It shocks, dismays or frightens you.
I want to be happy and content.
I was, once upon a time.
I will be again.

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Quiet, My Love

Shhh...quiet, my love
There's no need to speak
No need to make promises we'll later have to keep

Shhh...quiet, my love
Just hold me as close as you can
Heal me with the gentle touch of your hands

Shhh...quiet, my love
I just want to be with you, be near you
Please don't ever let me go....

29 August 2008

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Who Am I?

I am everything
I am nothing
I am not enough
I am too much
I am never what you need
I am never what you want
I am simply what you have
I am the one who waits for you
To get tired and come back
I am the one who makes due
With what you choose to give
I am one who can never trust again
You bruised my heart
I would have loved you
Like no other could
If you had only been willing
To love only me...

27 August 2008

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Emptiness Surrounds

My heart is so empty
Everyone has tried to fill it
But there simply isn't enough
Friendship or Love
In the world
To fill the aching void
Left behind
By a child
That wasn't even mine

13 December 2001

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Aurora

I don't know whose hand brought you to us
Maybe it was God, or maybe just Fate
It doesn't really matter
What matters is that you came
You brought sunshine into our lives
We didn't even know we were living in darkness
Until you came
And, oh, how we loved you

We watched your first steps
And heard your first words
You filled holes in our souls and hearts
That we didn't even know were there
We didn't realize how much we needed you
Until you were already with us

Every day with you
Was a moment stolen from heaven
Every tear you cried
Shattered my heart
Every laugh from your lips
Captured my soul
I was so proud
To call you mine

Time seemed to pass so quickly
While you were with me
And now it crawls so slowly
You filled such a void in my life
And somehow
Left an even bigger one behind

Now each day dawns darker than the one before
Each night stretches out longer than the last
Each breath becomes harder to draw
Each heartbeat lasts an eternity
I have never been so lonely
Nor so heartbroken
I have never felt so lost
Or betrayed
I would rather have died myself
Than to have lost you

I hid my tears
I buried my pain
I built a wall
And sometimes
There's a crack in the wall
And my pain and tears escape
Lashes out
At the ones I love
I don't know how to heal
The wound on my heart

Everyone who cared
Told me to move on
But how can I?
A piece of myself
Has been ripped away
And I should get over it?
How do I move on
When memories drag me back?
How can I live my life
When I feel my life is gone?
If it's not better by now
Will it ever be?
Or should I simply give up?

I know my life
Is defined by more than a child
But why
Just this once
Can't I have
What I've always wanted most?
Are my prayers
Than unimportant?
Or only me?

13 December 2001

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Crocodile Tears

Crocodile tears
God, how I hate them
As you say you're sorry
You didn't mean to
Try to hold me, kiss me
As if I didn't still have your handprint on my throat

Crocodile tears
God, how I hate them
As you say you're sorry
She didn't mean anything
You didn't really love her, no
As if I didn't hear you say you wished I was her

Crocodile tears
God, how I hate them
As you say you're sorry
Never happen again
But it will
Is it your fault for hurting me?
Or mine for staying?

27 August 2008

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Rage In Storm

The thunder calls my name
As lightning clears my path
The night slowly changing
There is no turning back
Time has abandoned us
The past has returned
To haunt, mercilessly
I am lost in the storm
That rages in my heart

12 September 1994

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Nightmare

Running in a black void
From something I cannot see
Wild with fear I run
A black hand reaches for me
I awaken in a cold sweat
Fall asleep again
Only to begin again
Running in a black void
From something I cannot see

April 1991

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Time Passes By

Like petals in the wind
The minutes fly on
The children of yesterday
Have passed into tomorrow
Never to be seen again
The love of yesterday
Has faded into darkness
Like the setting of the sun
And in the darkest hour
Before the dawn's rising
Emptiness surrounds

26 November 1994

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Voices II

I cannot sleep
The voices --
Oh the voices
I close my eyes
The cruel taunting blows
The assaults; the taunts
They torment me
I cannot rest
I cannot run
I cannot hide
The tease me
For my weaknesses
They ridicule me
For my strengths
They whisper
Lies
Taunts
Threats
Promises
Destined to move through life
In a restless daze
No rest
No peace
No solace
No love
No life
Damn the voices
Damn them all

22 April 1996

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Hear The Voices

Hear the voices, little girl
They speak to you
From the darkness
From the void
From behind the wall
Hear the voices, little girl
They curse your name
They curse your blood
They curse your heart
Hear the voices, little girl
They want your freedom
They want your love
They want your soul
Hear the voices, little girl
They hate you
They despise you
And they will kill you
Hear the voices, little girl
Listen well

15 August 1995

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Voices

The voices forever
In my head
In my heart
In my sould
Til death
And beyond
Forevermore
Voices
Agony
Pain
Defeat
Voices
Torment my sleep
My days
My nights
What is happening to me?
I do not know
Do not want to know
For fear is there
Just like the voices
Forevermore
Voices
Voices

June 1991

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Regret

Dancing with the sun in among the clouds of a winter day
Trying to find the one I lost somewhere along the way
Searching, looking, always hoping, calling out his name
And if I find him, will he listen to what I need to say
Dancing with the sun in among the clouds of a winter day
Lost and lonely, fogotten, hoping, nothing left to pray

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

rainfilled memories

rainfilled memories
left in the gloomy night
to be forgotten
like an old jar left
forgotten
filling with rainwater
they fill with
despair, loneliness
they are lost to me
as the rain slowly pours down
darkness settles in
rain fills the jar
despair fills the memory
the cup runneth over
the rain still falls
falling
falling
rainfilled memories
left in the gloomy night

6 September 1994

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

Eyes Wide Closed

When I close my eyes at night
I then can clearly see
The one I still love dearly
Who no longer cares for me

When I close my eyes in thought
I can see the one whom I hate
The one I wish most to leave
But who I cannot push away

When I close my eyes in despair
I can see the two of us together
The way we once were
When you said forever

14 September 1994

© 1991-2009 Samantha Greene

If That Was All...

If all I could ever have
Was just to be near you
To feel your presence beside me
To feel your warmth near me
To be close to you
Yet never have you touch me
To be with you
If that was all I could have
It would be enough

If I could only look into your eyes
Without you ever seeing me
Just to stare into those kind, loving eyes
To get lost in them
If that was all I could do
It would still be heaven

If I could only hear you call my name
The sound of it on your lips
To hear it spoken with love
With compassion
If that was my only comfort
It would be more than I could ever hope for

If I had to love you
Without you ever knowing
Or even caring
Just to love you would be enough

If I could only have you hold me
Have you stroke my hair
And comfort me
Have you tell me everything's all right
If that was all I had in life
I could live forever
With you beside me
Never needing food or sleep
Because you are my strength
Your love makes my life perfect
And you make me perfect

I love you

8 March 1995

Lost

Softly calling
Hear my plea
Yet no one answers
Nor cares to love
Tears fall helplessly
From a broken heart
As lovelight slowly fades

The dream has been shattered
A river of misery
A tide of regrets
I wish I could
Make it all right

7 November 1994

Season Of Rain

Teardrops from heaven
Falling from the stars
Washing away the memories
Washing away old scars
Cool wind softly blows
Healing the wounded heart
Making whole once again
A broken heart's cure
In a season of rain

Like a rain-flooded river
Emotions flood the heart
Echo softly through the night
The dance once more starts
The rain has washed away
The heart's tearstains
With nothing to lose
And so much to gain
Another love flowers
In a season of rain

20 October 1994

Credo

Don't be afraid to speak your mind
Most anything worth thinking is worth saying
But remember who will hear you

Don't be afraid to do what you feel you need to
It's your life
But remember who you must answer to

Don't be afraid to be yourself
If they don't like you for yourself
They're not worth knowing

Don't be afraid to say you can't
As long as you don't mean that you won't
You learn nothing by doing nothing

Don't be afraid of what others may say
They can't hurt you
Unless you let them.

15 October 1994

And Forever

I've never let myself fall in love
It simply isn't safe
Every other time before
I was the one to walk away
I never stayed around too long
It was "hello" and then "goodbye"
I never shed a single tear
But something's wrong this time
I've stayed with you much longer
Than I ever thought I could
I've thought of you more often
Than I ever thought I would
Your name is written everywhere
Forever's up there, too
I talk about you all the time
I think of nothing but you
And Forever

23 August 1994

Peace

A creek's trickle
A whippoorwill's call
Crickets' chirping
So quiet
So still
No sound of people
No city's bustle
Devoid of the whine of tires
And the honking of horns

Oh, how poets search for such peace in the poems
How writers strive for such tranquility in their words
Through the ages, mankind has sought to define peace

'Tis such a pity
Had they but asked
I would have shared the secret

For the only peace
That a human can know
Is the depressing peace
Of loneliness

14 December 2001

Upon The Timeless Tide

Upon the timeless tide of love
A heartache slowly glides
In a sea of memories
To the sands of forgotten time
And remembering a dark past
A broken soul remains behind
Afraid of earning another scar
Unable to stand anymore pain
Afraid to take another chance
Refusing to love again
Unwilling to let anyone try
To erase a heartache's stain

14 November 1994

Pour Appeller Le Mien / To Call My Own

Pendant le soir / During the night
Je pense de toi / I think of you
Je rêve de toi/ I dream of you
Je vois ton image / I see your face
Dans mon someil / In my sleep
Je vois tes yeux / I see your eyes
Le dedans je vois / In them I see
Moi-même / Myself
Je vois l'amour / I see love
J'éspere que / I wish that
Tu m'adores / You loved me
Parce que / Because
Je t'adore / I love you
Tu m'aurais adoré / You would love me
Si tu m'as connu / If you knew me
Mais tu es parti / But you have gone
Et je suis seule / And I am alone
Avec rien / With nothing
Et personne / And no one
Pour appeller le mein / To call my own

Soul

Raindrops fall
From a broken heart
To hit the windowpanes
Of my soul
They slide down the glass
Into a black pool
That human eyes
Can never see
A wind blows
Across my mind
Carrying a tune
I have never heard
Reminding me of a place
I have never been
And of a face
I can never forget
My heart cries out
It's love
But he cannot hear
The plea
He can only hear the heartbeat
Of the girl he loves
And he will never call me
His goddess
But I still love him

31 August 1994

Sandcastles At Sunset

The children are gone
Gone home for the day
They've left me here on the beach
Sandcastles at sunset
The tide is coming in
Washing me away
Grain by grain by grain
Sandcastles at sunset
The children are gone
My majesty begins to fade
Slowly slipping away
Sandcastles at sunset

The
     tide
          rolls
                in...

1 September 1994

Upon Where Waters Die

Upon where waters die
Upon the golden strands of time
Where lovers once danced
Playing the game of sweet romance

Upon where waters die
Upon the timeless tide
Slowly rolls the night
In the cold moon's sight

Upon where waters die
Upon the pale moon's rise
A true love slowly fades
Rivers wash the dream away

Here We Bury

There are places
Hidden deep
Within the human soul
Where no one
Else can see
Here we bury
Our shames
Our fears
Where no one
Can ever know
Here we bury
Our secrets
Without
A tombstone
Never to be found
Never to be know
Here we bury
The dead
Damned
Memories
Of childhood
Here we bury
Our love
Here we bury
Our hate
Here we bury
Ourselves
Never to be known
Never to be found
Never to be loved

Here we bury

My World Has Fallen

Crying at the window
Slowly the rain falls
My world has fallen
I cannot take much more
What did I do wrong? I asked
He never did reply
Where did I go wrong? I demanded
He simply watched me cry
And turned away
Left the love that I so cherished
To fall to ruin and decay
Misery and heartache
Are old, dear friends
They visit me often now
My world has fallen
And no one can put it back
The way it was
When you were mine.

31 August 1994

If...

If I had called your name
Before that door swung shut
Would you have heard me?
Would you have stopped;
Turned;
And come back to me?

If I had said "I'm sorry"
Before you touched that doorknob
Would you have believed me?
Would you have hugged me,
Tears in your eyes
Apologizing too?

If I had told you I loved you
Before I said anything else,
Would I still be miserable?
Sitting here all alone,
Wishing I had said
Something else?

21 December 2001

Never Forgotten

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
To just before I lost you
Other times I wish I could go back
To just before I found you
And I wonder if the one who said
That losing was better than not having
Ever had anything to lose
Sometimes I wish I'd never lost you
And then I curse the day I found you
But never doubt I miss you
And never worry I love you

21 December 2001

Stupid Selfishness

My emptiness consumes me
My loneliness - a curse
My demons hunt and stalk me
As they walk upon this earth
They've come to drag me down
Back to their pits in Hell
Where I shall pay for my sins
And forever there to dwell

Obsessed with my own
Selfish, stupid woes
I let in the darkness
That now claims my soul
I invited into my life
The depression
That now calls it home

I thought my prayers had been answered
I though I had finally won
The dream that I so cherished
I could never have known
The nightmare
That I had begun

14 December 2001

Mourning

My life is an endless well of deep depression
With a scant few years of light shining in it
Not even enough
To reflect itself in my writing
Everything I've ever cared for
Has been stolen from me
I have cried so often
That tears no longer come to me
And I have but two releases left -
Poetry and Death
And I long for both
With such desire
That it cripples me

30 July 1996

The Mirror

Broken pieces
Almost too easy to pick up
So simple to fit back together
But the cracks
Will always remain
And the vision can never
Be whole again

17 September 1996

Eternity

I have seen your face
Somewhere before
In the eyes of infinity
Perhaps
In a hidden place Where time stood still
In a fevered dream
That left me breathless
In a timeless temple
Hallowed and sacred
Or perhaps merely a memory
Stored deep within my soul;
Hidden in the shadows
Waiting to burst forth
Into your light
Waiting to be freed
By your sweet kiss

I have waited an eternity for you.

21 December 2001

Beware Children

Beware children
Your toys are deadly
Your temper tantrums unravel
The stitches of creation
Open your eyes
See the destruction
Stop your ceaseless selfish storms
See beyond your vanities
Save the innocent if you can
The friendly fire of enemies
Has trapped you in the crossfire
Where now your righteous justice?
Buried beneath innocent lives
In unmarked graves
You soon will join.

Beware children
You rush toward an end
You cannot understand
So consumed by the rush
(Lemmings rush, rush, rush,)
So you see the cliff?
Do you know the cost?
Innocent blood shed
Crocodile tears
Repent, for the hour
Is near
Turn back
Foolish pride

18 March 2003\

Distant

He used to say he loved her
Everytime he saw her
But lately he only says it if she does

He used to want to hold her
With her head upon his shoulder
In a bedroom that once was filled with love

They used to laugh and tease
And say anything they pleased
But now the house is quiet as a tomb

He comes home in the evening
And sits before the T.V.
And never even knows she's in the room

Has he grown bored with her?
Has he sparked an old flame?
She could fight this enemy, if it only had a name...

November 2001

Tears

I never really noticed how little people cared,
Until I was broken
And nobody noticed.

Laugh and the world laughs with you;
Cry and you will always cry alone...
27 August 2008

untitled

all i ever wanted
was someone to
hold me
love me
put no one else before me
stand beside me
listen to me
let me be myself
i didn't realize
that was asking too much

walk softly

now what kind of love is that?
to only love me
when i agree with you
to only love me
when i do what you want
to only love me
when i fit into
the narrow view you have
of what i should be
you're not a child
so stop acting like one
i really do love you
and i know i said
i'd never leave you
but there are some lines
even you can't cross
so tread a little
more carefully

I Know Her

Sometimes I hate that you care so much
About everyone else
And listen to me so little
I've heard her lies before
She's been spouting them since
Before I was born
She just wants attention
And she'll get it any way she can
She'll say
He beats her
Mistreats her
Abuses her
Uses her
Whatever will gain her sympathy
And if you want to fall for it
That's okay with me
Don't be mad because I don't
Because eventually
When you realize
How she's manipulating you
You'll become part of the lie too
And then what will you do?

Futility

Why do you fear me so?
Because I know things
That I shouldn't
Couldn't possibly know?
Oh, but if you could see
The things I see;
The things I don't tell you.
If you could see the way it hurts me
To hide myself
From you,
From the world.
I didn't ask for this
You know.
It comes with the blood.
And what I wouldn't do
To convince myself
That there was good in it.
To believe that I could change
The things I know I can't.
I cannot accept it
I cannot ignore it
And I cannot share it,
Not even with you.
You fear me when I do.
They all fear me when I do.
So I suffer in silence;
Unable to help,
Unable to change anything.
And wishing that
I knew what He expected of me.

Untitled

What an interesting game this is
And I know you think you can win
But the problem you see
Is that you have no idea
Who you're playing against.